Monday, March 28, 2016

Diary: Back in America

Well, I made it back to Morgantown late last night, and I have a bad cold, and school today.  Definitely not ready to go back to school, all of my late assignments, worries, stress and classes I don't particularly like.  I want to be done with school.  I want to be able to stay in Japan. 

Why does life always seem to get in the way of life?  Like, I have to finish up school here, because it would be stupid to just quit when I'm so close to graduating, even though I don't even want to do theatre after I graduate anyway.  I just want to travel.  But I need this degree to continue to fashion school in Japan.  And what I need more than that is to get better at Japanese so I can pass the N2 level test!  But I never can concentrate on what I need to do....

It's only the first day back and I'm freaking out over the amount of things I need to do and worry about!  I'm such a horrible student, and I'm not even sure if any of this schooling is even useful for someone as lazy and a procrastinator as me.  But it makes the most sense.  School is just expected, the norm I guess, for someone my age trying to make something of themselves.  I worry that it's just a waste of time and money.  But then I remember all of the friends I've made here, and the opportunity to go to Japan I may not have had otherwise.  And I have learned some things.  But I'm so forgetful, it worries me.  I think I'm going to get checked for ADHD.  I should be in the costume shop right now getting hours in.  I should be worrying about my portfolio reviews coming up, but I haven't really done anything new for it this semester.  I should be working on my overdue papers that I can't find the energy, motivation, or words to write.  I should be passionately studying Japanese.  I should be starting to get my capstone project figured out.  I still need to unpack and clean and organize everything!  And I'm sick, and so tired.

I just want to blog, travel, wear cute clothes and makeup, model, take pictures, live in Japan, have a passionate love that lasts forever, good friends, and if I can motivate myself enough, become a fashion designer. These are all the things I want out of life.

♡❤♡ ♡❤♡ ♡❤♡ ♡❤♡ ♡❤♡ ♡❤♡ ♡❤♡ ♡❤♡ ♡❤♡ ♡❤♡ ♡❤♡ ♡❤♡ ♡❤♡ ♡❤♡ ♡❤♡

Wow, so that was a lot deeper and more than I had planned to write... I was going to just say that I'm back and have so many posts to work on, but then the words just kept coming out.  I guess I needed to say these things.  Anyway, I will start working on all of the posts I have from Japan asap, so look forward to those!

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