|The photographer who took all of the pictures in this post, Kevin|
I know that I can be smart and I have very good thoughts and ideas and I feel like I understand a lot about people, relationships, and life, but when I try to study something I find interesting, I just lose interest until I almost dislike it, and want to avoid it. I wanted to be a fashion designer and go to grad school in Japan for it, but I absolutely dread the thought of more school, and I don't want to MAKE clothes, just design them. But I can't put my ideas well on paper because I'm not great at drawing, and don't really feel motivated or inspired enough to. Also when I'm in school, I noticed I lost interest in a lot of things I used to do, but maybe that's just me changing? I used to doodle all the time, dress up more, play with fancy makeup and nail art, but I don't so much anymore. I wonder if those interests will start to pick up again now that I'm out of school? Photography has become a strong interest, and modeling is one that wavers between strong and not so much. I need to improve myself more for modeling. I'm ready to take it to the next level, instead of just freelance, not getting paid, just-for-fun stuff (though I'll still do some on the side because it's fun). When I had long breaks in school or weekends, I found it hard to make myself get up and do much of anything unless it's doing something with friends. Maybe now I will want to and be able to again?