Thursday, December 22, 2016

Diary: Graduation from WVU!!!

Hey, I did the thing!!!  I figured I should post about it on here too

I cut it close and didn't want to say anything or celebrate too soon, but my grades are in and I really did it!  These past few weeks were possibly the most stressful of my life

I'm kind of a horrible student.  I have trouble remembering what I need to do (and even remembering to look at what I wrote down to remember to do).  When I have a lot, I find it impossible to focus on each thing, and see it as one big ball of impossible, so I shut down and give up.  I was scared to even celebrate and had a hard time being excited about graduating

My mom

The photographer who took all of the pictures in this post, Kevin

Basically, this sums it up quite well:

I know that I can be smart and I have very good thoughts and ideas and I feel like I understand a lot about people, relationships, and life, but when I try to study something I find interesting, I just lose interest until I almost dislike it, and want to avoid it.  I wanted to be a fashion designer and go to grad school in Japan for it, but I absolutely dread the thought of more school, and I don't want to MAKE clothes, just design them. But I can't put my ideas well on paper because I'm not great at drawing, and don't really feel motivated or inspired enough to.  Also when I'm in school, I noticed I lost interest in a lot of things I used to do, but maybe that's just me changing? I used to doodle all the time, dress up more, play with fancy makeup and nail art, but I don't so much anymore.  I wonder if those interests will start to pick up again now that I'm out of school? Photography has become a strong interest, and modeling is one that wavers between strong and not so much.  I need to improve myself more for modeling. I'm ready to take it to the next level, instead of just freelance, not getting paid, just-for-fun stuff (though I'll still do some on the side because it's fun).  When I had long breaks in school or weekends, I found it hard to make myself get up and do much of anything unless it's doing something with friends. Maybe now I will want to and be able to again?


Anyway, now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and like I'm finally free!  The plan for the next few months is find to a second job so I can save money for Japan, find a job in Japan, lose weight, like seriously cuz I ate my stress as sweets for the past few months, and so I can get into modeling for reals, get rid of lots of my stuff, and see all of my friends as often as possible since I couldn't during the combination of school/work every weekend, and do lots of blogging and photography!


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